If you’ve ever tried your hand at the dating game, you know that humans are monstrous creatures.
Okay, most people aren’t that bad, but you have to admit that sitting through awkward dates is kind of the worst. And finding the love of your life? That’s almost impossible.
But even if you’ve dealt with disastrous relationships, I guarantee that no one’s ever cut things off with you for reasons like these (at least I hope not, anyway). From nasty to confusing to downright horrible, these breakup justifications are far from…well…justifiable.
1. “I hated his shoes. They were all square-toed or off-brand sneakers, and he’d wear them with jeans.”
2. “He was 29 and had braces.”
3. “I stopped seeing a girl because her skin smelled like burnt toast.”
4. “I couldn’t stand her laugh. She was really cool, and overall we were great, but her laugh was too much to overcome. I kinda regret it now, because she’s doing pretty well.”
5. “I showed her Chappelle’s Show and she was like, ‘What? This isn’t funny.’ She didn’t laugh at any of the sketches at all.”
6. “She put too much mayo on everything she ate. There was more mayo than sandwich. I brought it up with her, and she was very defensive about it. I realized we were done.”
7. “He was a trainer, and I realized when we were working out that it’d be all butt exercises because he was trying to sculpt his dream woman.”
8. “I didn’t call a girl back after a first date because she had a snot bubble hanging out of her nose through the entire date. She even went to the bathroom, so she either saw it and ignored it, or another one manifested. Either way, she had to go.”
9. “A guy I met at a club took out a business card and handed it to me to pick me up. It said ‘Sophomore, George Washington University.'”
10. “I broke up with a dude for going to a not-great college even though I was at a community college at the time.”
11. “Her vagina made sounds — not occasionally, but constantly — like the horn section of a marching band.”
12. “She wasn’t understanding how to control video games at all, even after trying to teach her multiple times. Like, they were very basic controls, and she was remarkably stumped by them.”
13. “She was a smoker and coughed during sex.”
14. “I stopped dating a guy because he was a ginger.”
15. “He was a Celtics fan, and the Celtics-Lakers rivalry wouldn’t let me get past that.”
16. “She played new-age music while bathing.”
17. “I dated a guy who cried really easily at not-that-serious things. I broke up with him after a few months.”
18. “I asked a guy to play Super Nintendo with me, and he said playing video games was a waste of time and gave me a lecture about time management, so I never talked to him after that.”
19. “A girl invited me back to her apartment and she turned on a Dane Cook special. We kept trying to make out, but she kept laughing so hard at his jokes that she would have to stop. It was probably the lowest point of my life.”
20. “She had a tendency to defecate upon orgasm. True and horrifying story.”
(via Thought Catalog)
Well, none of my breakups were this insane, so I’m good. Have any funny breakup stories? Post them in the comments!